A couple of recent conflicts have gotten me thinking. No, not thinking. Understanding? Perhaps. Realizing maybe. I realize, for instance, that it is hard to find a good word for the sort of processing-plus-coming-to-understanding/awareness/aptitude-plus-knowledge-and-maybe-skill I’m trying to describe.
What is so difficult about naming the functions and processes of mind? Is it the language? For English, one of my teachers said, concerns itself with nouns, objects. Well, and transforming nouns into actions. “Elbow your way through a crowd.” A sensei of mine was fond of a particular fact (true? dunno), that Sanskrit has a word for, as he said, “when your mantra begins to repeat itself”. I don’t know what that phrase means. But I think his point was that some cultures have become quite knowledgeable about internal states and movements, and this is of course reflected in their languages. Anglophone culture, he was partially suggesting, is not one.
But the conflicts that have come up and been resolved got me to gain a level or two in understanding certain things; namely that I don’t need to (and now don’t really/now can easily recognize when I) fear other people’s emotions, reactions, responses, opinions, etc. Which is spurred by understanding that for the longest time (Whoa-oh-oh-oh) I did just that.
Meaning basically that honesty and upfront-ness is much easier in tense situations, and I can ignore that oft-present need to paint my feelings and thoughts to hide my feelings or needs or wants like I’m guilty of something. Also meaning that I can state my own opinions and hold them with confidence, and that in general I can let go of the habit of worrying whether I’ve hurt or offended someone. I haven’t. Or if I have, I can tell, or ask, and I can deal with the situation calmly and without drama.
God, that’s so much easier.